550 - CLASSIC: Twilight: Breaking Wind, because the First Caller needed ONE MORE DVD to watch.

620 - Idiots on the Internet - Or as one Facebook fan wrote, “Stupid Internet People.” I’m not gonna lie, I’d get somebody else to take this order too. A guy sings his Sonic order at the Drive-Thru. One man, several takes, The Simpsons theme. Is Mitt Romney crueler than the Nazis. We aren’t saying, but the facts appear to be in this phone message. And finally…Big, Massive Cockfights…will make you laugh. They aren’t supposed to though.

645 - Stupid News - 2 beers, $14,000…74 Year Old chokes on Dentures with 62 year old Prostitute…Bear Suicides

720 - News You Missed - Trump makes his pick for President, the Pro Bowl looks staged, and Don Cornelius derailed.

745 - Andy Fox remembers Pete Decker. Local hero Peter Decker Jr passed away overnight today. Andy and Rumble remember Mr. Decker fondly. A very emotional Andy Fox towards the end there…

830 - Sports - 8 point game for Sam Gagne, 2 points short of the record. Rod’s Super Bowl pick, hold it against him. And high school recruit picks his school because of a Chik-Fil-A on campus.

845 - Stupid News - Bottled Fetuses Found in a Basement…FBI Chainsaws the Wrong House…Fake Facebook Stocks Sold

920 - Bowlin Bowlin Bowlin….the 2012 Rum-Bowl, the 83rd annual, is on sale RIGHT NOW. Get your $#!t together and sign up!

930 - Games for Your Butt - Madden predicts the Super Bowl, and you’d be shocked just much this gaming habit costs…or you won’t.

955 - Hero Twice a Day - All this talk of Super Bowl food is making President Clinton Hungry again.

BONUS TRACK! With the Polar Plunge tomorrow, Shelley interviewed Rick Jeffries, head of Special Olympics VA and he has all the information you could possibly need.

It’s a busy weekend, join us Monday. At 7 AM there is a MAJOR announcement. I want to hint, but I can’t. Just know an old friend is coming to town.

-Eric

So today was an exceptional if I do say so myself. It’s GROUNDHOG DAY. We streamed it live and heckled the men in hats. Because we’re upstanding citizens who can talk a lot of smack from high atop our comfy studio. Real tough guys and gal.

550 - For our Fish Packer First Caller, Grungebob Squarepants.

645 - Stupid News - High Speed Bucket Truck Chase, Helper dog brings cell phone to lady with broken leg, Facebook Posting of Crimes

745 - Groundhog Day re-enactment. They may have Punxatawny Phil, but we have Nobbler’s Gob Sugarteets. Dave Taylor in a dog suit recreates the dramatic moment where a squirrel predicts the weather. Click here for the video.

750 - Call to Punxatawny, late yesterday we found out that sponsorship opportunities were still available for the Groundhog Festivities! So we called to see how we could help.

820 - J. Medicine Hat got a black eye from his big ass dog, and bought a Corvette. He’s been a busy man.

830 - Sports - A.P. thought about changing his number, Umenyiora only player on both Super Bowl teams to not understand what media day means, and weiner dog races…

845 - Stupid News - Juror dismissed for Adding Defendant on Facebook, Rooster Attacks Deputy, Kidney Trade to get Son a Job

900 - Wilford Buys Beer, after Mr. Medicine Hat noticed our autographed Wilford Brimley picture in the studio.

Done.

-Eric

620 - Assistant Public Service Director Cliff Andrews had his own ideas for helping out with the Polar Plunge this weekend. His involved a lot more dangerous wildlife than I’m used to.

645 - Stupid News - Drunken Sailor gets in bed the wrong 80 year old woman, Ambulance is in the damn way, and Dad shoots son for singing country-oke.

745 - Pre-Polar Plunging action, complete with mankini and weiner-bombing of a telecast.

720 & 930 - Inspired by Stupid News, ever wander into the wrong house?

730 - Sports - Super Bowl media day, AI has some serious debt, and some awesome reasons to go to the Rod Blog.

845 - Stupid News - Michelle Obama did NOT spend $50k on lingerie, “Destroy America” will get you thrown out of America, and Car broken into & teeth stolen.

So there.

-Eric

620 - Facebook prank. What happens when people are sick of you ignoring their friend requests? Rick Rumble happens, that’s what.

645 - Stupid News - Lady Trapped in Elevator because Technician had to be called in to push a button, Elephant fitted with Contacts, Fran Drescher was Abducted, Probed.

720 - Idiots on the Internet - Listener Jesse passed this along to us….not sure what to do with it…it is what it is as the kids all say. Did you know seals make crazy Steve Miller Band noises underwater? Betcha didn’t. And it’s that time of year again…time to relive the greatness that was the ‘85 Bears Super Bowl Shuffle with the Sex Offender Shuffle.

730 - Sports - Super Bowl trivia up the butt. I mean out the butt. Out.

745 - National Mustard Museum. I’m as tired as the next guy of hearing about the decadent lifestyle those corporate mustard cats lead, but let’s at least hear one of them out. Give ‘em a hit.

845 - Stupid News - Trump Cemetary, Air Keyboard and floor peeing in the jail, 13 POUND BABY!

855 - Baby Molly Song - A classic revisited to honor the 13 pound behemoth.

-eric

Here’s what happened today, on a sober sober Monday…

645 - Stupid News - Python Bites Ladies Face, Cops Called and then Robbed, baby Bites Head off a Snake

720 - Ask Shelley - Why doesn’t the Moon have a better name? Why do Cops Like Donuts so much? If it’s cold, can you see a fart?

730 - Sports - NFL Pro Bowl last night, Admirals sold out Saturday night, split with Hershey. Super Bowl good for one big business the next day…what is it??

745 - Calls, did a phone poll of stupid human tricks, like THIS GIRL who can say anything you give her backwards. I’m jealous, I was always good at this, but never this good. And caller, know that we love you. Keep voicing away, sir.

Our recordinational device had a catastrophic malfunction and the 845 Stupid News did not record. We apologize for the inconvenience, all requests for refunds will be denied and you will be insulted verbally. Thank you.

-Eric

Idiots: Scranton weatherman can’t stand his co-workers. Can you blame him? I don’t even know Mindi and I hate her name.

The spelling bee troll. This kid is really good at mis-hearing. Normally I’d tell you how not funny that is, but this got me. He’s good.

I know we did something else…but I’ve been drinking all day and can’t remember what it was. So here’s a picture that will mess with your head.

-Eric

540 - Started the show off today with a classic! Degreasin’ my Blow up Doll.

620 - F’ing hate Facebook

630 - Sports - The Colts name their new coach, Suzy Kolber talks about Joe’s Willie, and a special Admiral gets a special night..

645 - Stupid News - Star Trek Apartment being Sold in Divorce, Naked Man’s Body being Taken for a Joyride, Windows are Melting Cars!

720 - Jonathan Kiekbusch will end your relationship for you if you don’t have the guts but do have $10.

755 - Dog Show 2011 -  6 new breeds were just added to this year’s dog show. So we revisit the new breeds from last year’s show.

845 - Stupid News - School misspelled on crossing, strip club offering scents so you don’t smell like a strip club, Virgin Girl Sweat Spray

930 - Calls - A guy got a $44 million hospital bill, what’s the highest unexpected bill you ever got?

955 - Dog the Bargain Hunter. One of the pups got arrested and has been suspended from bounty hunting, but she might still be able to work the register.

645 - Stupid News - Babies are not weapons, Michael Jackson arrested for Pickpocketing, and Police were too mean to a man who turned into The Incredible Hulk.

720 - State of the history of the state of the union. I think it speaks for itself.

730 - Sports - Admirals captain makes his Lightning debut, Chris Kluwe hates Skip Bayless….who doesn’t? And Uranus is tilted. Get it checked.

745 - Calls - the Most Personal thing someone revealed to you immediately after meeting you.

845 - Stupid News - Get those Standing Germans off this plane, Aluminum can scam fail, and how to stop a nosebleed with a chop.

950 - CLASSIC replay, Bill Clinton’s just looking for some Tush.

-E

645 - Stupid News - Girl Scout Cookie Money Theft, 15 Year Old Hears mom doing it and calls 911, Woman on the toilet for 2.5 years…do NOT go in there.

730 - Sports - New England the favorites, the money’s on the Giants. Biggest differences between the Cowboys and the Giants? Bubba Watson buys the Gen. Lee. Bruins goalie doesn’t like Obama…a lot. Jose Canseco disintegrates into Uncle Rico.

745 - From Stupid News above…ever catch your parents doing it? Yes, we’re forcing you to relive it!

845 - Stupid News - Ghost beats up wife, Waffle House Robbery Fail, and 10 year old gets a tatto, mom gets arrested. 

940 - Idiots. Family Feud has some awesome respondents to their surveys now. Rap to fetal heartbeat. And The BEST CHURCH SINGER you’ve ever heard. People complained, I call them weenies. If we can collectively as a show sit thru the screeching, you can too.

-E

Today’s highlights are all over the place, not many shows are going to give you at-home sperm donations and a U.S. Senator.

620 - Sperm Donor Trent. A virgin has fathered 14 babies through at-home donations. And for some reason the Government has a problem with this.

630 - Sports - Super Bowl 46 is set, Giants-Patriots rematch. Joe Pa passes away, with some strange facts about Coach Ditka.

645 - Stupid News - How Drunk was the man? Ladies pants on fire, and cat pees on an outlet and it goes poorly.

720 - Ask Shelley - Is there a male G-spot? (Followed by uncomfortable silence) Why are tweets only 140 characters? And a guy STILL wants to know if peeing in your ear will clear up an infection?

845 - Senator Mark Warner - Returned from a trip to India where he stomped on Muggsy Bogues (yes it’s weird but it’s a good story), and will let us know what he thinks on SOPA/PIPA and who his date for the State of the Union will be.

900 - We sampled a new beer, Bud Light Platinum, and it’s DELICIOUS. Keep your dissenting opinion to yourself, we had it, we liked it. You’re not going to make us suddenly realize that we didn’t really.

-E