I saw this video yesterday, and watched the same 10-15 seconds of it probably 50 times. I was literally in tears this news report made me laugh so hard. Nobody else I’ve shown it to has been moved to tears….yet. Maybe it has something to do with all the medications wearing off. But watch this news story…and at about 55 seconds it becomes Internet legend. And look, they even made an animated Gif for the best part. Days like this make me glad to be alive.

LollerCopter

Rumble mentioned this next link this morning, and then I quickly realized that I never put it up here. So in order to make up for my oversight, I present the paragraph above. But I also now present to you the Toyota Simulator. If you’ve ever wanted to know what it’s like to drive an automobile that you could not control, but don’t want to leave the house…this is for you.

You may be surprised by this, although probably not, but that is a Caulk expert. I guess it’s funnier if you read it out loud. But bad surgeries have lead to an outbreak of bad “caulk in your butt” jokes. And this news story is just begging you to make fun of it yourselves. It’s like Mad Libs for an internet video. Except you don’t actually make any additions to it.

And finally today, how many video game titles can you find in this picture? I’m stuck at 23 as of this writing. Email me if you can get them all.

-E

Now that’s a handsome man. He easily could have fit in the Kimmel sketch from the other day. But I bring it up not to gush, but more to give you one more reason to hear that AWESOME Russian singing guy. It’s become known as the Trolololo guy, so I guess we’ll go with that. This mashup is hardly a legit mash-up as it basically just cuts away to the singing guy…but still entertaining. Any excuse to get that song stuck in my head again is fine with me.

Remember, No Russian. So Modern Warfare 2 has been the hot title for a few months now. More games have come out since November, but that was the “Hot” title for 2009. And along with the controversial level “No Russian,” there were a lot of cut-scenes in the game that help move the story along. Well somebody took all of those and chopped them together to make a “Movie” out of it that explains the whole plot for you. So I guess this means it deserves a SPOILER ALERT if you haven’t played through the campaign yet. Hopefully this will deter Hollywood execs from greenlighting an awful movie based on the game. Because we know that’s inevitable. They’re already making Asteroid, Space Invaders, and probably Frogger is next. Great job guys. I’m sure you’ll sell a couple tickets. At most.

Also here today, a collection of awful wedding pictures. Which translates to AWESOME for the rest of us since it’s not your wedding. It’s always funny when it happens to somebody else. That’s what I say.

Conan O’brien is going on tour. The dates are posted here…it’s the Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on TV Tour, and the closest to here is D.C. on June 8th.

-E

So I’ve slowly been coming around on this Jimmy Kimmel fellow. I never liked The Man Show when he was on it, and his late night show never did anything for me. But lately he has really stepped it up, creating more and more buzz for himself than ever just by actually being funny. It’s crazy how that stuff works sometimes. Now this is 9 minutes plus, so be prepared to block out part of your day if you intend to watch this video. It’s the Handsome Men’s Club, and it’s exactly how I always dreamed it would be and it’s fantastic. Just a group of handsome men sitting around discussing handsome things in a handsome way. No gingers.

And in a moment of awkwardness that has to be seen to be believed, Larry King. That’s all. Ok fine, some backstory. A director of a documentary won an award, but was interrupted by his producer during his acceptance speech at the Oscars Sunday night. So Larry King had the guy on to give him his moment. And it ended just as abruptly and strange as you would expect.

All Hail Hypnotoad! They even know overseas, where our boys and girls are fighting. All for the Glory of Hypnotoad, so that he may one day smile upon us.

-E

Are you bearded? Should you let your facial hair determine your occupation? You bet you should, if you are. I realize asking that first question first kind of limits the number of people who can participate in question #2. But anyway, Collegehumor has compiled a chart that will help you out a lot in this life. If your beard/facial hair is a certain length, there are certain jobs you are much better suited for. Including “Selleck” and “Wizard.” So click here, and see where you measure up. Me? I’m somewhere between “Sea Captain” and “Grandpa.”

Zach Galifianakis hosted SNL this weekend, and this was the only episode I’ve looked forward to in a LONG time. And if you made it through that painfully awkward opening sequence with “Obama” and other political people that was the comedy equivalent of flossing your teeth with used floss with food on it, then you were greatly rewarded. The monologue was vintage Zach, and the Bidet Sketch (pictured above, played today at 6:05) more than made up for the open. I’ve linked to the Bidet, but do yourself a favor and click around the Hulu links. You’ll enjoy yourself.

And then Shelley forwarded this one along, and it’s awesome. It’s a CNN story about another news story. You don’t get that everyday. But this news story made more news because in the background of the talking head on the news set, a fight breaks out. It gets bad quickly, but you have to watch for yourself. Nothing awesome like this every happens on our news around here. Not that I want anyone to get hurt you see, stage it with Lucha Libre wrestlers from Mexico, I don’t care. You’d wish you had Tivo then for sure.

-E

In the Videogame report today, we mentioned an 8-bit videogame wedding invitation. Which you have to admit, is the best kind of wedding invitation there is. You HAVE to beat the game in order to get the details like the time and place, and even who the hell is actually getting married. So go here and check this out, then book your tickets to Berlin to crash the ceremony.

This blurry screengrab is from a movie called “Deadly Prey” which I’m pretty sure you can’t find on DVD. Which is fine, because it’s punchiest punching movie I’ve ever seen 2 minutes and 40 seconds of. Women get punched. Men get punched. That picture above is of a dude being beaten with HIS OWN SEVERED FOREARM! The dude even punches himself!! As would be expected, there’s some Not Safe For Work language here, because nothing goes with punching like swearing.

And finally, do you want to see the movie Evil Dead, but would prefer there be no real actors in it? No problem. Also, do you only have 60 seconds to burn to see it? Perfect. Click this link, and Evil Dead in 60 seconds in claymation is yours.

-E

I just want to take a second to thank everyone who saw Rod today as he was taking up alms for the poor, meaning me. Now I said this before, and it bears repeating, that there are definitely people more needy than myself. And Rod Fitzwell has been instrumental in raising funds for countless good causes, and for him to think I was worthy really tells me how freaking destitute I really am a lot. So for everyone who dropped off change, dollars, gift cards, Funny Bone passes…thank you. I will put it all to good use. A condor egg omlette seems appropriate for the occasion, yes?

Idiots on the internet today featured a very sad yet informative video teaching you how to potty train your cat. I haven’t lived with a cat in some time, and have since discovered that I’m allergic to them. So I really can’t wrap my head around wanting a cat to do this other than how awful of an apparatus a litter box really is. I totally get not wanting to deal with that mess. But let’s say some cat dander gets left on the seat and then you plop down. In my case, awful ramifications. To quote the wiseman known simply as Dilbert…

Of all the famous Presidential impressions that there are, we are experiencing one of the worst. Fred Armisen of SNL does a passable Obama, but it’s mainly because he kind of looks like him. He doesn’t really sound all that much like him. But some quite famous SNL alumni, plus Jim Carrey, haunt Obama’s dreams in this new video that brings them all together. They’re all here, Clinton, Both Bushes, Carter, Ford, and Reagan. I’m not a big fan of political stuff, but it is impressive to see all these big names coming together for just an internet video. Check this beast out.

And with Rod linking to everything in the world over on the Rod blog, I’m left with scraps. But that’s fine, I’ll make do. Why? Because it’s what I do. So occasionally I’ll find some videogame related stuff that I know he won’t touch. This time it’s back to Modern Warfare 2, a game that I’ve kind of given up on but not totally. I just know that every time I put it in recently I’ve gotten my ass handed to me. It looks a lot like this. I didn’t make this video, but I’m sure I could have. If you’ve ever had to deal with unbelievable deaths in the game, this one’s for you.

And for those of you thinking I’m too videogame-centric, here’s a gay Lord of the Rings animated Gif that includes some other fantastic links if you scroll around. I am merely a guide, I can’t tell you how to click.

So we move on to more inappropriate simulated sex acts with a Wii. This is the Australian version of the Today Show, and watching two adults do this should be on pay-per-view. You won’t get very much money for it, but they’d put it on in the bar for you at least.

Also around the net is that Jay Leno is back as host of the Tonight Show, and the ratings are good. Don’t worry, it’ll only be a few months before we all forget about it anyway. But you have to wonder, how did he get his audience back? Personally, I’m not a fan. But I know some of you are. So I’m torn here, because I want to rip this show to shreds but at the risk of alienating the readers here. Let me just put it this way…this video is exactly how you could CONVINCE me to go to a Tonight Show taping. 

And finally…let’s put the flag back up…

…ok cool, a different one. We spoke to Rep. Glenn Nye this morning and on Monday the 8th he’s hosting a job fair for unemployed Veterans. For more details hit the link here. And spread the word around if you know anyone who could benefit from this event. Thanks.

-E

I’m not sure why everything gets the Lego treatment these days. Not only are there Lego videogames based on Star Wars, Batman, and Indiana Jones, but now we get classic jokes from feature film in Lego form. This is one of but many fantastic scenes from “This is Spinal Tap” re-done as only Lego can. Because a Love Pump probably works much better with other Lego pieces than a real actual pump of love. Which I don’t want to imagine. Let the legos do the talking.

And now….some pictures of the morning crew with The Harlem Globetrotters:

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And last week Tracy Morgan re-emerged on this blog after his appearance on the Daily Show. So of course you knew this was coming….10 of the craziest Tracy Morgan interviews the internet has to offer. You know there’s more and we just don’t know about them. What are you hiding from us? Hmm? I bet there’s…..you know what…I typed that far, then clicked around trying to find something else to link up here today….then I came back and completely forgot where that sentence was going. That’s a mystery for just us, ok? Was that “I bet there’s…” sentence about to be the funniest thing this blog ever blogged? Maybe. Would it have been a poorly constructed joke that I’ll realize is somehow racist or sexist later on today after about 50,000 people read it? Probably. Just remember, if that ever happens, my name is Rod.

-E

Please fire me. No not really, but it’s the latest website full of user submitted content that may or may not be real. But if you hate your job, you’ve no doubt said out loud at some point “Please Fire Me!” Well here is the website for you, as you can read about other people’s miserable jobs and maybe feel a little better about your own situation? Just a thought.

And this started making the rounds on Friday, so of course I just now get to it. If you need your fix of songs played on instruments you’ve seen but don’t know what to call, with lyrics about time travel I think (Although it reminds me a lot of a Dio song), and the best hair ever (Take that, Paul Stanley!) then this one is for you. And if you hate all of those things, it’s for you too. Because we are merely here to pester an annoy. If we had badges, it would say that on the bottom.

-E

That’s Devin. He fights bears. That’s enough reason to hire the guy. But if you’re some kind of square who isn’t into awesomeness, go watch the rest of his video resume. You will be impressed. You will want to hire him. Mainly because he also invents words. Awesaverance. It’s gonna catch on y0. Oh, and Devin’s is basically the last one down there. The rest are good, but I’m clearly hiring Devin over these chumps.

And if you somehow missed our favorite Tracy Morgan on the Daily Show, here’s the link. Cop Out opens today, and it has all the components a movie needs to be great: Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, Kevin Smith directing…but Kevin Smith didn’t write it. So there probably won’t be any Star Wars references, although with Tracy there could be plenty and he doesn’t even know it. So because of the movie, we get Tracy being a one-man publicity team. Also making rap videos with Jimmy Kimmel. Somebody gettin’ pregnant.

-E