With a long weekend of being shut in your homes, because that’s what we do around here, how will you pass the time? Do not try to engage in sexual relations, as years of staring at computers have left your genitals withered and useless. SIMPSONS DID IT!! Shut up crossed-thru text, that’s why nobody likes you.

BUBBLE WRAP! Nothing passes time quite like popping the bubbles in bubblewrap. But what if you haven’t received anything in the mail recently and don’t have any bubblewrap lying around the house? You click here. I have to say it definitely passes the time, but somehow isn’t as satifsying as popping actual bubbles in your hands. But let’s be honest with ourselves, what is?

So word is that the Informer snow is going to definitely hit us tonight. Be glad we aren’t in Louisville. Because the weather guys there just aren’t bored enough. I thought it was college basketball season, don’t these guys have something better to do? The answer, sadly, is no. 2 weather guys down in Kentucky paid tribute to the Gen. Larry Platt’s “Pants on the Ground” song with the …

WHITEST THING YOU WILL EVER SEE.

Which is fitting since they’re “singing” about snow. But this is laughed at even in Canada.

If you’re looking to break into the world of broadcast news, here’s a video that will teach you how to make a great story for TV news. And I have to tell you, aside from the F-bomb near the beginning (it’s Brittish TV, they have different and admittedly cooler standards over there), this is precisely right. Completely formulaic, and it follows it to a TEA, GET IT? Cuz it’s England? T. Take notes on this one, kids. You just may learn something if you’re not careful.

I don’t need to be the one to tell you that war is hell. I’ve played the games, I’ve seen it first-hand. But an office war? That is absolutely hellish. Especially with NERF weapons. This has been around for a while, as the comments section below it will bluntly point out for you, and it’s not exactly a Modern Warfare 2 parody in any regard…but I’d still love to stage this here at the station. Hopefully this keeps you entertained in your emergency bunkers this weekend. Come out Monday morning, won’t you?

-E 

There was much demand for this video, from basically everyone on the show today. So finally it’s here on the website. A girl who used to be one of the kids on the show Barney & Friends got all growed up. And it worked really well apparently. Her audition, I’m guessing it went well. Do people listen to this show?

Here’s one for the ladies, because we’re all about fairness here. If you’re feeling self-conscious about your looks, the Japanese are here to help. In the only way they know how. By creepily staring at you. How this works is simple. You buy this DVD of men’s faces, and just get stared at. Yes, it’s several hours of just faces on your screen staring back at you. You want this. It will help. Not as much as this will…or this…

It seems like every couple weeks a new “BEST KNIFE KILL EVER” video shows up from Modern Warfare 2. So rather than type about the best ever video thing every week, here’s 20. 20 of the best multiplayer MW2 Knife Kills. This should hold over every nerd.

-E

The whole “Pants on the ground” thing from Idol apparently wasn’t the start of it all. No no no, a group out of Michigan, the Green Brothers, recorded “Back Pockets on the Floor” in 1996, so FIRST! In your face! I don’t quite hear the similarities, but I’ve been told they’re alike. Watch the Green Brothers video here, and decide for yourself I guess.

And because we are so immersed in internet culture, here’s a wrap-up of the NFL’s Conference Championship weekend in the style of the Lolcatz. Mark Brunell goin’ to the Super Bowl y’all!

Do you like animals? Do you like things? Do you like animals getting their heads caught in said things? Then you’re going to love this.  Golly they’re cute. I just wanna collect them all!

-E

Yeah, someone videotaped a sleeping girl. Gross. But it just so happened to be this pervert’s lucky day when a dog shows up and forces its happy mouth upon the sleeping woman. Lovely. Ok, so it’s not as bad as that, I would dare even to use the word “cute” but I won’t. I’ll only make reference to it and allow you the freedom to use such a word. But just know that I didn’t really do that.

…and in what is SURE to be a Stupid News story this week, Oral Sex gets everyone in trouble. Even kids. For looking up the definition in the dictionary of course. And because the kid actually found a definition, the dictionary has been BANNED FROM SCHOOL. That’s right, probably one of the most important books in existence seeing as it gets updated so frequently as language changes, is no longer allowed in Southern California classrooms. Look, sure some kids may think what they’re reading is funny and they’ll share it and laugh, but I really don’t think pulling the dictionary out of the classroom helps anyone. Especially the kids. I would never have guessed that “oral sex” would be in the dictionary at all though, you leave that for the internet. What happened to the good old days of looking up “Bitch” and “Damn” and laughing about it for hours?

Shelley had chimpcam in the news, and here’s the clip. This is without a doubt the greatest idea in the history of cinema. It may not be the greatest execution, as chimps probably don’t make for the best cameramen. But that doesn’t matter. What this movie will lack in story arc and character development it will make up for with monkeys masturbating and the hurling of feces. It’s like Jackass, just with chimps.

-E

That’s on purpose, don’t write. Today’s Stupid News featured a story about an All-White Basketball League being proposed in the deep south. Who would have guessed? It’s been hard to verify, but the Huffington Post actually got a hold of the league’s commisioner, a former Pro Wrestling promoter. He sounds very smart. But he states in other stories around the netz that he started this league to focus more on fundamentals, not the “street ball” you see in the NBA and the And1 Mix Tapes. You know, it sounds a lot like another brand of exclusionary basketball. I’m talking of course about women’s basketball. Which can be summed up perfectly by a Futurama clip featuring a planet of amazonian women. You can’t put it any better. That should be the reaction to a white-only basketball league. It’s the same boring thing.

Sex is confusing. That’s been my experience anwyay, but to simplify things for you, here is sex as explained through the use of writing utensils. I hear this is going up in all sex-ed classrooms in the state. It should make things much easier. I certainly could have used this handy little diagram when I was a lad.

Yes, it’s that time again. Time for yet another impossible knife toss from Modern Warfare 2. And I have to say that this is exactly how I feel like I’m dying everytime I take an ass-kicking in multiplayer. But this thing is unbelievable.

-E

That’s Shelley on the left, Miss Arena Cross on the right. Arena Cross is at the Hampton Coliseum all weekend long, go support our local boy Devin Pilkington as he tries to close the gap on 1st place! Home Arena advantage, make it happen.

That’s Laura. She’s 5′5″ tall and is a registered sex offender. Normally I wouldn’t put this in a comical light, but the 1985 Chicago Bears better move over. Their Super Bowl Shuffle pales in comparison to the modern day equivalent, the Sex Offender Shuffle. OUCH.

This was featured in today’s Videogame Report, and it is easily the best Lawyer commercial this side of THE HAMMER. Because let’s face it, nobody can hang with The HAMMER. But this firm in New York has really hit a nerve with us here on the Rumble Morning Show. Try not to feel bad for this guy…betcha can’t!

-E

Everywhere I look it’s just Conan Conan Conan. Well, there’s a good reason for that. 6 months and 29 days. That’s how long we were deprived of the greatest character in late-night history.

You know him, you love him, now click here and watch him go. Ladies and gentlemen, THE MASTURBATING BEAR!

This is a great mash-up, I just had to share it. Just be forewarned, the language is NOT SAFE FOR WORK. It gets a little harsh, so only click if you think you can handle it. What has happened here is that cartoon voice actors like Robin Williams and Eddie Murphy got their starts as stand-up comedians. And they’ve done some incredibly objectionable material, at least as far as kids are concerned. And then later on in life they’ve done voices for animated films, so the folks as Collegehumor.com took some of the best, mashed them together, and here we are!

-E

A few months ago we shared with you the Alaska-Fairbanks college hockey intro video. It was completely badass in every possible way, but they somehow managed to improve upon it. This is what gets you pumped up for hockey! Bears! In fighter jets! Blowing up major Universities! Travelling through time! Hockey! Excitement!!

I took this quiz yesterday. And because I’m totally metal and that almost makes me infallible, I aced it. But the question is, can you? It’s the “Lifetime Movie or Megadeth Song” quiz. Let me know how you do. There’s no shame in not being totally metal. Even only partially is cool.

You may recall when the Tiger Woods story broke, a Chinese news station did a fully computer rendered version of the events. Well, now they’ve taken to explaining the current NBC late night situation. Pictured above from left to right: Letterman, Super Leno, Captain Zucker, Conan the Hulk, and for no apparent reason Jimmy Kimmel. I can’t understand a word, but it tells the story perfectly. It also sounds like the “S” word is in there a bit. So enjoy that. I know I did.

-E

We now go live to the streets where Jimmy Jimmieson is on the scene of this breaking news, Jimmy… (Jimmy will appear italicized)

Thanks, Melvin

There appears to be a happening transpiring here at the scene. Basically what we have here is simply the template for a Breaking News story, but we honestly have no details as of this time. But what I can tell you is that police have arrived on the scene along with some other emergency personnel, I know I see a team of surveyors with their rods getting an assessment of the situation from a civil engineering standpoint. The police lights are very bright, and can be described as pleasant to the eye. That appears to be all we can tell you down here at the location of the location.

Thanks, Jimmy. Very informative.

You may have heard about this one by now, and it’s been debunked. Nevertheless, there was an AIDS bandit scaring the hell out of the city of Detroit over the weekend. Alleging to have infected over 500 men with the AIDS virus, and here’s how it all started. Such a lovely little princess she is.

This is what a FAIL looks like. The judicial system has infrastructure in place to not let you be a dumbass, yet here you go anyway. Dumbassing around like a dumbass. Here’s a tip for you kids out there, bulletproof glass doesn’t give. You’re not going to win a battle with it no matter how hard you try.

On a serious note, the rest of the week the Rumble in the Morning show will be without Rick Rumble. He has flown back to Michigan to be with his mother. So Rod, Shelley and myself will carry on and keep our hearts thoughts and prayers with the Rumbles.

-E

Today, Rumble read a post from Craigslist, and I had no idea how much he had to leave out. This thing is FILTHY. The headline reads “Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brother?” It’s not like that’s out of the ordinary, who hasn’t asked themselves that question at some point in their lives? I mean I haven’t, but I could see how you could ask that. With your mouth. The language here is quite graphic, so read at your own risk. I’m not providing you with a rosary to cleanse yourself. You’re on your own once you click.

Ouch, you might think. But not after viewing this deal, where some girls were asked to do the sound effects for these action sequences. Now it’s not really fair since we just had Michael Winslow up here last week, so by comparison…saying these are “Bad” seems a little slanted. But it’s still worthy of a few chuckles, perhaps even a chortle. But no snickering. That sort of thing is totally frowned upon.

-E