Christmas Shoes. Apparently it’s a wildly popular Christmas song, but I’ve been fortunate to never have heard it. But for the last couple of years I’ve heard a decent amount of backlash against this song. So for matters on the obscure we turn to the master, Patton Oswalt. And what’s cool is someone went to the trouble of animating his bit about Christmas Shoes. I will warn you that the images and actions of God and Jesus in this clip may come off as blasphemous to some. So if you don’t find that sort of this amusing, skip over it. I hope that counts as enough of a disclaimer, here 2 days before the J-Man’s birthday.

Swedish Butt Sniffer video. I like the sound of it. I’m not sure why we went with a Swedish version of this story from the UK, but I’m not in the business of questioning it. I’m in the business of making attempts at jokes about it on the internetz. So here we have the Swedish Butt Sniffer video. I just wanted to see how many times I can arbitrarily squeeze the words “Swedish Butt Sniffer” in one paragraph. So there you have it, Swedish Butt Sniffing, 4 times, kind of.

And finally today, Rumble’s Christmas present from the rest of the staff here was a remote control Escalade, and a giant fire hydrant so he could relive the most tragic night of little Ricky Rumble’s year. Maybe he can change the course of history and Tiger Woods will be a hero again. At least our boy can dream, can’t he? And that will do it for us…see you again in January, when we’ll all come back with funky haircuts and unexplainable tans.

-E

We get a double dose of silly at the end of this year because it’s not just the end of a year but also the decade. So now other people on the internet take time out of their days to compile even more “Best of…” moments from the past 10 years, and we just assume they’ve done their homework and take their word for it. Here we have the 50 best/worst/dumbest celebrity quotes of the last decade. I pick Mel Gibson’s picture because quite honestly it’s the best one.

That’s the most badass gingerbread house I’ve ever seen. You need to click this link for closeups, because you won’t want to eat any of this. Mainly because it’s not made of actual brains, just things that kind of look like brains.

Tomorrow’s the last day for the show, then it’s the Rumble & Shelley aren’t here Vacation Extravaganza starring Rod Fitzwell, featuring Eric and with special appearances by Chuck the Intern, Beatrice Arthur, and Frank Stallone. It’s gonna be good.

-E

Look at that face.  Get a good look. Now imagine a local newscaster going through the details of what that man allegedly did. Without knowing what he did, you can definitely tell that it’s not something you would laugh about. Dismemberment and disembowelling of a spouse usually doesn’t get a laugh. But I’m guessing with all the bad news in Detroit these days, this guy’s Murder Story is more like one of those fluff pieces about a kitten fashion show that’s supposed to make you feel all good inside.

You ever wanted to reference the Planet Hoth in casual conversation but weren’t sure if it was actually cold enough? Of course you haven’t, what kind of dork would do that? Well, I do have an answer, a dork who watched all 6 episodes of Clerks: The Animated Series over and over in college. And in one episode a reference is made to planet Hoth from The Empire Strikes Back, and now you can click a link and get the weather as compared to any planet in the Star Wars galaxy. So far I’ve put in a lot of different US cities to get the current temperature, but I’ve only gotten Hoth or Endor.

James Franco hosted SNL over the weekend, and I’m linking to this story because the second video really made me laugh. The kiddie show from a very dark place is quite funny. But looks VERY similar to just about anything I’ve ever seen on Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job! So click this link, and scroll down to the second video and agree with me.

-E

Since it’s the end of the year, the internet feels compelled to offer nothing more than top 10 or 20 or 50 lists of things that happened this year. And with it being the end of a decade, that listing fad is taking off even further. So go back and watch all your Meatspins, and your 2 Girls and their cup, and your Leroy Jenkins all over again. I’m falling prey to the fad myself though.

And so here we are, with the top local news stories of 2009. Our buddy Cameron Pack who is a local UFO investigator makes an appearance in the story about the smoke ring over King’s Dominion. We’ve linked to plenty of these before, but many I had not seen before today. The magical broom, the Michael Jackson face in a tree stump, and the Rodney Stanger mugshot are all HIGHLY recommended by me. Oh yeah, and the lovely squirrel with the yogurt cup on its head.

Yup…yogurt. We need more news like that around here.

-E

She is not a prostitute. She may be a lot of things, but a prostitute is not one of them. I don’t know where she bats on the Tiger Woods lineup, but suddenly this girl gets endorsement deals? Yeah, very convincing read there. I totally want to bid on BidHere.com. It looks like it has all of the deals that I, as a busy working adult, need. I sure hope they paid her in animal crackers, because this most definitely will not drive up their web traffic. Phonics on hooked me for worked!

This next video is being billed as the worst rap ever. Really? Ever? I have to tell you, I don’t hear much of a difference here than I do with most other attempts at rapping. But hey, I guess this is how time is passed in Australia. He can’t be any worse than the world’s worst beatboxer from a few days ago, can he?

That’s a Modern Warfare 2 title. You unlock them by performing certain acts in the game’s multiplayer mode. I’m talking about this because I’ve finally seen a link that tells you how to get them all. As if the game wasn’t bad enough with people achievement whoring, now it’s all I’m going to do. These are really not that important, but having as many as possible seems like a life-consuming goal. They’re like Pokemon to me, I must collect them all and destroy the evil power!!

-E

That’s what this screengrab from Billboard.com will do. Some of you will totally agree and think this an excellent post. Others of us, yes I’m including myself there, will want to cry. So we’ll go home to our tears while you guys have fun at that show.

That’s right, Billboard magazine has named Nickelback “Band of the Decade.” For some truly brutal insight, click here and scroll down to the comments. When the Canadian government apologizes for Nickelback the same way they did for Bryan Adams, we can officially move past this moment. But the egg will be on my face when that show coming up completely sells out and everyone there has the time of their lives. But until that point, I will continue to be a full-time hater. Because it’s fun.

Another Tiger Woods video that cannot be escaped. This one featuring a semi-look-a-like, and really getting in depth with what Tiger likes. The language is EXTREMELY NSFW. There, you’ve been warned. And we call it…The Aristocrats!!

Here’s a curious one for you. It’s an ad for the Toyota Yaris that never aired on tv in Australia. So the only way to see it was to look for it online. And people are somehow offended by it. I must be out of the loop, because I only get outraged after people are initially outraged. I’m always in the second wave of reactionary indignation, because I think the people on the front lines are out of their minds. When do I get to be morally outraged? A couple incest jokes and a double entendre here or there is really enough to turn you away? Amazing.

-E

The Irish Parliament & Funkadelic records its sessions much like we do on C-SPAN here in the states, and if you can get past the accents, it’s hilarious. I love the stern monotone man in charge. His “most unparliamentary language” line is the best part. Well, aside from an elected official dropping 2 f-bombs only to immediately apologize on his way out the door. Oh those wacky Irish and their polite insults.

I hope this is interesting to people who don’t play Modern Warfare 2. But if it’s not then I apologize. Look, a guy in a chicken suit! For the rest of you, this is an excellent example of people with too much time on their hands. Plenty of your Modern Warfare 2 questions will be answered. I particularly like the extreme banking of the N00b Tube. This is what we do all day man….it’s the most fun you can have at home with a topless chick. No really. Why else would women be topless?

……………..oh right!

Don’t forget to show up tonight, 8pm at the Funny Bone in Virginia Beach.  Stand up attempts at hilarity will ensue…you can find me at the bar beforehand. Downing “courage juice.”

-E

And I say that because Rod and I are both separately but equally struggling to string together our sets for FM99 Christmas Wish Night at the Funny Bone tomorrow night. So anything funny you see here today, is clearly by accident.

You know, this one is going to be tough to write about. Especially since I’m not sure I can even get away with typing the words affixed to that picture. But apparently handy-jobs are only 5 bucks, which seems about right to me. But wait! There’s more! No, not really, I just love that www.ineedahandjob.com is a registered URL, and it’s not a dirty icky porn site.

In the news today, Shelley featured the Palin Vs. Shatner readings from the Tonight Show. I’ll link to the video on another blog where someone else wrote something funnier than what I was going to put, so go and enjoy their stuff.

Rod’s “Link of the Day” seems to be running in direct competition over on his page. Go there, check it out, because it’ll be something different every day. Show some love, welcome him back, and so on and so on.

And I reminded people on Facebook of the wisdom of Office Linebacker Terry Tate. I hope this reminds all of you of the pain train, and its impending arrival. The coffee keeps getting killed around here and no one makes a new pot. I believe the ancient Chinese proverb goes something like this…”WOOOOOO, you know you can’t bring that weak ass stuff up in this Humpy Bumpy! You kill the Joe, You Make Some Mo’! You know that baby!”

And that’s news you can use.

-E

Yesterday President Obama was in Norway to receive his Nobel Peace Prize. And I kept seeing video on the talking picture box showing the President signing the guestbook and taking a really really really really really long time in doing so. I have obtained a copy of what he wrote, and with a little tiny bit of help from Photoshop to clean it up a little, I present to you the Obama  signature in the Nobel Peace Prize guestbook.

Hopefully. And it looks like Obama and Norway go way back, taking big steamy dumps on the principal’s porch whilst reading the paper. Hopefully you can make all of that out.

Last night Shelley and I were at the VADER show, and it kicked a lot of ass. More than this. I don’t know what happened to Cannibal Corpse over the years, but their live show is not how I remember it. Watch this, tell me if this is strange to you too.

So sometime in the last 24 hours, a bunch of stuff happened at ODU. They’re calling it a Flash Mob, I don’t know exactly what that means, but it looks like a bunch of kids run in, make some noise, crowd surf, and then get sprayed down with pepper spray and mace and raccoon urine like the unruly punk kids they are. I mean….uh…Go Monarchs!

-E

Roy Wood Jr. is at the Funny Bone this weekend, and I’m linking to his prank phone call to a cruise line. He has a TON of prank phone calls on youtube, but this is the one that got him fired from a radio station. So that’s the link we use. I like that his grandfather left his Billy Ocean CD on the slave ship. That’s fantastic stuff. So click around for the rest of his calls, because they’re all good too.

In Idiots on the internet today, we played the Leaked Tiger Woods Sex Tape, as seen in yesterday’s entry. We also aired a small clip of these videos seen here. The brash American versus the well-spoken soft-mannered Brit in a debate over global warming. More like global HARMING. Amirite?? It’s a consonant joke, you gotta work with me here people. So I guess that sound of crickets riding a tumbleweed is a good indication that I should NOT incorporate that joke into my set at the Funny Bone next Tuesday night. You all should come out. ALL of you. We got wishes to grant, we’re not genies.

……or….are we?

-E