Of Idiots on the Internet. It’s been a while, so here you go.

The Red Wings have a couple guys on their team that are really into the whole teammate thing. I mean REALLY into it. But only against the Phoenix Coyotes. When it gets all bestial, that’s when I’m out.

Last weekend the D.C. area got pummeled with snow, snowball fights and all sorts of stuff happened. So as a meterologist up there, this is big news. You get all the face time on the news, so you better make the best of it. This guy does. Boy does he. The only thing missing from this video is the appearance of “Mean” Gene Okerlund in the background egging this guy on. This is the best wrestling promo I’ve heard in a while and it had nothing to do with wrestling.

And finally, laughing. It’s contagious. But unlike other contagious things, you don’t mind so much when it’s your turn to catch it. But the 3rd guy in this laughter chain is the strangest. You almost want to accuse it of being fake, but when you think about it, does it really matter? Just enjoy strange old men….your mom does

-E

Ok, so everyone loves a good “That’s what she said” crack. They’re impossible to avoid, and anyone can do it. Although I used to always get annoyed when someone would crack a “that’s what she said” when it actually WAS what she said. That makes it no longer a joke, you just attributed a quote to someone. But now I can’t get annoyed at that anymore, because they found the mystical “She.” Just a warning, the language in this video is very dicey, and incredibly NOT SAFE FOR WORK. But we find out that everything she ever said, this lady actually said at some point.

Hey kids, do you like Super Mario Bros? Do you like death metal? Well one out of two ain’t bad, so you may or may not enjoy this. I was quite impressed. And initially I was totally ready to say things to myself out loud like “lame!” or “not metal!” or “who do these guys think they are?” but I said none of that. It’ the final Bowser level, death metalled up. Try getting this out of your head.

-E

Yes, interest in the office is definitely up. In work, not so much. But interest in the monitor is way up. Just look over the guy’s left shoulder. THERE IT IS. Now this isn’t just a random picture, it’s a news story. Yes, interviewing a man standing in front of a million computer monitors has its own hazards. Especially when that one guy who checks every single link on Gorillamask came to work early. You think he got fired? Nah, not over something silly like that.

That’s fear, my friends. The face of fear is the face of a wild beagle. Beagles are known to shoot down our brave men & women in fighter jets from the roofs of their doghouses. You know you’re dealing with a killer on your hands if you see a beagle with a scarf and aviator goggles. So be on the lookout, because they’re a menace. It’s not so much a funny story as it is kind of sad. Countless numbers of beagles are terrorizing Long Island, it’s an invasion!!

We close today with Mel Gibson saying a word that we can’t say on the air, on the air. Yes, when you bring up a person’s bad night from 4 years ago, they aren’t going to be thrilled about it. I like Mel, if only for this and this and Braveheart. And I also realized something very important today. Don’t google “Mel Gibson asshole.” It just doesn’t look good to your boss when they do the IT audit. I probably have some ’splaining to do.

-E

-E

Enjoy Shelley getting Major Wood Chuck out of an imaginary to see or not see its shadow. Yes, it's silly. We're fully aware. But give props where they're due, Rod did an excellent job holding the camera, and Shelley is the best video editor you've ever seen. You can listen to the whole thing play out on our OnDemand page, or watch the condensed version here. With Shelley. Which is what’s going to win that battle.

This link is quite disturbing. What happens when you have two transgendered women who want to have a baby? You get two people who look like dudes, and one of them just plain looks fat. Can’t even tell there’s a baby in there. And I’m sure it’ll have the most lovingest environment ever in which to grow up. But seriously…that thing got pregnant? I’m all for fighting for the RIGHT to have babies if you’re a man, but this is all sorts of confusing, and it’ll probably hurt your head afterwards. So come right back because the next video will make you laugh.

I've been out of college for a few years now, but I still definitely relate to this video. Writing a paper at home with high-speed internet is almost impossible. But I managed to get it done. I'm sure my grades would have been much higher if I had gone to the library or some other place on-campus. But it's too late to live in the past...be sure to watch the battle that goes on inside your computer.

-E

After you get done reading every single word here, of course. Today at the end of the show, we heard the best in metaphysical hippie garbage. Just look at the screencap below:

Yes, this is live hippie garbage. Recorded “IN THE MOMENT” live. I can’t tell if this guy’s serious or just f-ing with us. I’m leaning towards f-ing with us, but you never know. Hippies are strange these days. But the point is not to hate. Center. You must center yourself. Not ENTER, center!

Taken from SNL over the weekend, it’s Hamm & Buble. Because every Monday you get a chance to see the one thing from SNL that got laughs. It makes the rounds on Hulu and then you forget the show exists for a couple days. It’s sad really, I remember always looking forward to Saturday nights when I was growing up. And yes for a tv show, I really had nothing else going on.

Over the weekend, we hope everyone got out and had some fun. I know I did. In fact, Shelley, myself and a bunch of our friends got together and carried on a decade-old tradition of builing a phallus in the yard. I know you people from up north think this is old news, but we only get a snow like this once every 10 years. Big thanks to Rob, Jeff & Shannon for helping with the construction and design. You should see the blueprints.

I’ll go ahead and say what you’re thinking….impressive. Mighty impressive. Thanks.

And I wrap up today’s entry with a video sent by a listener of his own footage taken in Haiti. It gets real serious real quick. So let that serve as a warning, it’s real.

-E

With a long weekend of being shut in your homes, because that’s what we do around here, how will you pass the time? Do not try to engage in sexual relations, as years of staring at computers have left your genitals withered and useless. SIMPSONS DID IT!! Shut up crossed-thru text, that’s why nobody likes you.

BUBBLE WRAP! Nothing passes time quite like popping the bubbles in bubblewrap. But what if you haven’t received anything in the mail recently and don’t have any bubblewrap lying around the house? You click here. I have to say it definitely passes the time, but somehow isn’t as satifsying as popping actual bubbles in your hands. But let’s be honest with ourselves, what is?

So word is that the Informer snow is going to definitely hit us tonight. Be glad we aren’t in Louisville. Because the weather guys there just aren’t bored enough. I thought it was college basketball season, don’t these guys have something better to do? The answer, sadly, is no. 2 weather guys down in Kentucky paid tribute to the Gen. Larry Platt’s “Pants on the Ground” song with the …

WHITEST THING YOU WILL EVER SEE.

Which is fitting since they’re “singing” about snow. But this is laughed at even in Canada.

If you’re looking to break into the world of broadcast news, here’s a video that will teach you how to make a great story for TV news. And I have to tell you, aside from the F-bomb near the beginning (it’s Brittish TV, they have different and admittedly cooler standards over there), this is precisely right. Completely formulaic, and it follows it to a TEA, GET IT? Cuz it’s England? T. Take notes on this one, kids. You just may learn something if you’re not careful.

I don’t need to be the one to tell you that war is hell. I’ve played the games, I’ve seen it first-hand. But an office war? That is absolutely hellish. Especially with NERF weapons. This has been around for a while, as the comments section below it will bluntly point out for you, and it’s not exactly a Modern Warfare 2 parody in any regard…but I’d still love to stage this here at the station. Hopefully this keeps you entertained in your emergency bunkers this weekend. Come out Monday morning, won’t you?

-E 

There was much demand for this video, from basically everyone on the show today. So finally it’s here on the website. A girl who used to be one of the kids on the show Barney & Friends got all growed up. And it worked really well apparently. Her audition, I’m guessing it went well. Do people listen to this show?

Here’s one for the ladies, because we’re all about fairness here. If you’re feeling self-conscious about your looks, the Japanese are here to help. In the only way they know how. By creepily staring at you. How this works is simple. You buy this DVD of men’s faces, and just get stared at. Yes, it’s several hours of just faces on your screen staring back at you. You want this. It will help. Not as much as this will…or this…

It seems like every couple weeks a new “BEST KNIFE KILL EVER” video shows up from Modern Warfare 2. So rather than type about the best ever video thing every week, here’s 20. 20 of the best multiplayer MW2 Knife Kills. This should hold over every nerd.

-E

The whole “Pants on the ground” thing from Idol apparently wasn’t the start of it all. No no no, a group out of Michigan, the Green Brothers, recorded “Back Pockets on the Floor” in 1996, so FIRST! In your face! I don’t quite hear the similarities, but I’ve been told they’re alike. Watch the Green Brothers video here, and decide for yourself I guess.

And because we are so immersed in internet culture, here’s a wrap-up of the NFL’s Conference Championship weekend in the style of the Lolcatz. Mark Brunell goin’ to the Super Bowl y’all!

Do you like animals? Do you like things? Do you like animals getting their heads caught in said things? Then you’re going to love this.  Golly they’re cute. I just wanna collect them all!

-E

Yeah, someone videotaped a sleeping girl. Gross. But it just so happened to be this pervert’s lucky day when a dog shows up and forces its happy mouth upon the sleeping woman. Lovely. Ok, so it’s not as bad as that, I would dare even to use the word “cute” but I won’t. I’ll only make reference to it and allow you the freedom to use such a word. But just know that I didn’t really do that.

…and in what is SURE to be a Stupid News story this week, Oral Sex gets everyone in trouble. Even kids. For looking up the definition in the dictionary of course. And because the kid actually found a definition, the dictionary has been BANNED FROM SCHOOL. That’s right, probably one of the most important books in existence seeing as it gets updated so frequently as language changes, is no longer allowed in Southern California classrooms. Look, sure some kids may think what they’re reading is funny and they’ll share it and laugh, but I really don’t think pulling the dictionary out of the classroom helps anyone. Especially the kids. I would never have guessed that “oral sex” would be in the dictionary at all though, you leave that for the internet. What happened to the good old days of looking up “Bitch” and “Damn” and laughing about it for hours?

Shelley had chimpcam in the news, and here’s the clip. This is without a doubt the greatest idea in the history of cinema. It may not be the greatest execution, as chimps probably don’t make for the best cameramen. But that doesn’t matter. What this movie will lack in story arc and character development it will make up for with monkeys masturbating and the hurling of feces. It’s like Jackass, just with chimps.

-E

That’s on purpose, don’t write. Today’s Stupid News featured a story about an All-White Basketball League being proposed in the deep south. Who would have guessed? It’s been hard to verify, but the Huffington Post actually got a hold of the league’s commisioner, a former Pro Wrestling promoter. He sounds very smart. But he states in other stories around the netz that he started this league to focus more on fundamentals, not the “street ball” you see in the NBA and the And1 Mix Tapes. You know, it sounds a lot like another brand of exclusionary basketball. I’m talking of course about women’s basketball. Which can be summed up perfectly by a Futurama clip featuring a planet of amazonian women. You can’t put it any better. That should be the reaction to a white-only basketball league. It’s the same boring thing.

Sex is confusing. That’s been my experience anwyay, but to simplify things for you, here is sex as explained through the use of writing utensils. I hear this is going up in all sex-ed classrooms in the state. It should make things much easier. I certainly could have used this handy little diagram when I was a lad.

Yes, it’s that time again. Time for yet another impossible knife toss from Modern Warfare 2. And I have to say that this is exactly how I feel like I’m dying everytime I take an ass-kicking in multiplayer. But this thing is unbelievable.

-E